Web Accidental Wine

Thursday, July 20, 2006

The Jedi Wine Trick

Listen closely, young Padawans, and today I will reveal a mystery of the Force - the Jedi Wine Trick.

The Jedi Mind Trick we all know, but repeating the story bears.

With a wave of his hand, Jedi Master Obi-wan Kenobi prevented Imperial Stormtroopers from capturing the droid R2D2 when he and the Luke Skywalker were trying to escape Tatooine with the plans for the first Death Star. We all know the immortal words:

"These aren't the droids we're looking for...You can go about your business...Move along." This is the power of the Jedi Mind Trick.

The Jedi Wine Trick is almost the same. A customer approaches with a bottle of wine and asks about its suitability. Seeing that the wine might not be the best value or the best example of a grape or the best in quality, our stalwart wine professional might utter calmly:

"That's not the wine you're looking for. This is the wine you're looking for."

Although the subject of the Jedi Wine Trick almost never repeats the words used to persuade them to take the wine, they almost always wisely take the bottle and, well, move along.

There are some differences between the Jedi Mind Trick and the Jedi Wine Trick and you, young Padawans, should be aware of them. Listen carefully, for tested you will be. Fail, you must not.

First, the Jedi Mind Trick is only effective on the weak. Now, we all know from medical studies red wine consumption may prevent dementia and memory loss, so I'm not implying wine customers are in any way weak-minded.

Second, the Jedi Wine Trick is much stronger than the Jedi Mind Trick. It can work on virtually anyone, regardless of the level of wine knowledge. I've seen it work on beginners and lifelong customers and all levels in between. Think not you are immune.

Beware the power of the Dark Side! Like all powers, the Jedi Wine Trick can be used for good and evil. Not all wine professionals will use the Jedi Wine Trick to the wine drinker's benefit. Jedi who seek good will use it to match the wine to the customer's palate, desire or food. Wine professionals who seek to serve ambition or their own interests will try to use the Jedi Wine Trick for greed or corruption. Vigilant must you be.

Knowing the source of a power, you can direct it to your benefit. The Jedi Wine Trick's power comes from the uncertainty in the customer's mind. Wine lovers seek knowledge, value and enlightenment. Wine professionals on the Dark Side seek to make wine a mystery, a riddle, an enigma, a secret society. They exploit the customers' fears or insecurity for their own excessive profit.

Honest wine professionals understand their role is to clarify, simplify and guide. A Jedi seeks to serve, not self-aggrandize. One must only use the Jedi Wine Trick to help a wine seeker find the best wine—the wine that fits the desires of the seeker.

How can you avoid being bamboozled by Dark use of the Jedi Wine Trick? There are two ways.

First, your heart's desires must you know. Do you like fruit? Tannin? Acidity? Sweet or Dry wines? How much you can spend? If these things you know, easy will it be to find the right wine. Tell the wine professional what you seek. Unexpressed desire leads to opportunity for the Dark Side. Communicate you must.

The second way to avoid the dark side of the Jedi Wine Trick? Questions, always questions.

Now that you know the secret of the Jedi Wine Trick, watchful must you be. The forces of the Dark Side are imminent and almost always obscured in the shadows. Know you are vulnerable to the Jedi Wine Trick if used for the Dark Side's purposes and guard against it. But know that balance is part of the Force and the Jedi Wine Trick can be used for good.

May the Cork be with you.



Mark